I have a confession: I recently had a realization that most people had many years ago, which is that I’m officially, whether I like it or not, a full fledged adult.

Crap. When did that happen?

There’s still a part of me as a 27 year old that totally feels like I just graduated from college and am still trying to figure out what I’m really going to be when I grow up, because most days I really don’t know what that is. I struggle with the sense that I’m actually the person in charge of myself – and that if I want to eat gummy bears for breakfast I totally can {and believe me, I have}, and that I’m pretty much riding solo when it comes to a lot of things in my life.

And I have to make weirdly serious life decisions  because evidently I’m becoming an older adult who needs to start to make those types of choices, even when they’re not the fun ones. Do I go to graduate school? Do I get a dog {literally my current life dream}? Am I living in the right city? Am I doing everything I should be doing right now, in this moment? Am I being the best person I can be for myself and other people around me? Am I maybe asking too many questions? The answer to the latter is definitely, “Yes.”

I honestly don’t know if I’m a very good adult – some days I feel like I’m killing it, but most days I feel like I’ve totally failed. My apartment is usually a little messy with the dishes still dirty in the dishwasher, I usually miss going to the gym, my main meal at home is a bowl of cereal, and I’m usually in a constant state of overwhelm. I’m probably a little too hard on myself {aren’t we all?}, but I feel like if I’m an “adult” I should really have it together by now, right?

But that’s the thing I don’t think adults ever really let you know – I think their life is just as crazy, and chaotic, and they probably don’t feel like they actually have it together either. I look at both my parents who seemed to have always held it together when I was little. My idea of “adults” was formed around them – they cooked dinner every night, seemed weirdly chilled out, and always knew the answer to every question I ever asked. But I’m sure if I asked them when in their life they felt like real adults they’d probably say in the last 15 years – and that they were probably just as stressed, unsure and freaking out about life as I am now. But they just had a kid, and a house, and a well stocked refrigerator 😉

I think we spend so much of our time trying to show how much we have our lives together – whether it’s through glamorous blog posts, styled Instagram posts, or just putting a smile on our face when we’re really just freaking out inside. And honestly, I don’t know if it’s really helping anyone or ourselves by pretending that we’re just slaying it in life when really we feel more like a freaked out 16 year old then the 27 year old version of ourselves. Some days I’m a total mess, other days I have it kinda together, so I’m trying to keep it a little realer when I don’t have it all figured out because I definitely don’t want anyone to think that I’m a full fledged adult quite yet – I’m hoping I have a few more years to really figure it out.Oh, and why do I have all these ridiculous pictures of myself and Kelly’s pup Noodle? Only because I thought that at this point in my adulthood I would have it together enough to have a dog of my own {at one point long ago I even imagined being married by the time I was 27 – lets all laugh at that one together!}. It’s pretty nice to have friends who let you borrow their dog whenever you need your cuddle fix but probably shouldn’t be put in charge of taking care of another creature’s life. One of these days…. 😉