A few month ago, my friend Cadence and I went out to get coffee after a pretty crappy day at work. She had just taken the GMAT, I just got out of a few painful client meetings (clearly, she had it way worse) – and the two of us decided that getting together would probably cheer ourselves up. And as most heart to hearts go, what started as a general annoyance with our current situation lead to a larger conversation about dealing with disappointment, frustration and how to make the best of a rather cruddy situation.

As I went through my list of grievances at the moment, I admitted that what seemed to be at the core of everything was not feeling like I was good enough at my own life at that moment. I didn’t feel super fulfilled with my job at the time, I was in a relationship that wasn’t working out, and I didn’t feel like I was really succeeding at any aspects of my life. (Truthfully, I was being a little dramatic – but hey, it’s how I felt).

I told her I felt a little like a fraud – like I had built up this seemingly successful life that was all seeming to crumble around me at the time. It’s like I was just waiting to be exposed for the phony I was, and that all my success was maybe mostly luck rather than the hard work and determination I usually attributed it to.

“Ahhhh, right. You have an imposter syndrome too!” she told me. I stared at her blankly, not really sure what she meant but automatically nodding my head in agreement – as one does when they’re pretending they know what their bestie is talking about. She explained that it’s actually a real thing where high-achieving individuals struggle to internalize their accomplishments and live in constant fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.Now, I’m not giving myself a pat on the back and telling you all that I’m exceptionally “high achieving” by any means, but as someone who constantly struggles at giving herself credit when it’s due, it all made perfect sense. There’s always been a part of me (in most aspects of my life) that feels like maybe I’m actually an imposter – that the success, compliments, triumphs are all just further covering up the fact that maybe, just maybe – I have no idea what I’m really doing, or maybe I’m not actually good at the things that are such an important part of my life. What if I’m not actually that smart at work, even though I’ve considered myself doing a pretty good job over the last five years? What If I’m actually not actually the best daughter, friend, partner in crime I can be, or thought I have been? What if everything I thought I was good at was a lie – and that eventually I’ll be seen as not being as good or as talented as people have thought I’ve been in the past?

The anomaly of the imposter syndrome is that we still have feelings of inadequacy, even when time and time again we’re proven that we’re good enough at whatever we’re questioning. You can ace a test, crush it at work, be the belle of the ball at whatever you’re doing, and still there’s something inside of us that questions it all, waiting for yourself to fail anyways because you’re afraid it’s all a rouse deep down.

In a lot of ways, it’s nice when something that always seemed so abstract in your head turns out to have a name. Rather than feeling like you’re inadequate, knowing that you have an “imposter syndrome” trying to trick you into feeling less amazing makes me feel a little better in some kinda odd way. And now that I know what that little voice inside my head is telling me that I’m going to fail, I’ve decided I’m going  to try to squash it by living like I can’t, rather than waiting for it to happen. Sure, we all fail from time to time, but 90% of the time our worries about failure never actually come to fruition. And even if you do fail it just means you get to pick yourself up again and try something new – which usually ends up being a much better adventure in the long run anyways.

I feel a little better knowing that I’m not really alone in feeling that way, and we all have a little imposter inside us all – maybe some of us (aka me!) have it a little more than others. Do you ever feel like you’re a little bit of an imposter too? Try not to be too hard on yourself because I’m sure you’re much better at whatever you’re questioning than you give yourself credit for. <3